If you're looking for the hottest tips for circus, burlesque, musical comedy or other weird and wonderful treats, step this way. [caption id="attachment_6164" align="alignnone" width="565"] Sharia Law is one of many characters played by Alp Haydar in videos and onstage[/caption] Zinger Of The Week: Alp Haydar's Asylum Seekers, Thursday Who stays? Who goes? This new talent show Alp Haydar - winner in 2012 and 2013 of the only cabaret award of recent years voted for by the public - has three immigrants scrambling for permission to stay. Rather letters to the Home Office, they will be making their case directly to the audience, each in their own style. Expect some biting social satire and smart video-based interludes delivered by Haydar, his mother Sharia Law and BNP activist Sandra. Battersea Barge, London, SW8 5PZ. 8pm. £7. TONIGHT: Lick those lips and open those ears: occasional erotic literary revue Velvet Tongue is back. Host Erotic Award-winning poet Ernesto Sarezale will be welcoming established authors and performers as well as some open-mic speakers. If there's something naughty you want to tell the world, this is the place to do it. Bar Kick, London, E1 6JE. 7pm. £3 (free for participants) More information
From Tuesday: Tour de Force's immersive take on classic novel The Great Gatsby was a complete sell-out last year. If you missed out, its second run at Wilton's Music Hall officially starts tonight.
Wilton's Music Hall, London, E1 8JB. 7.30pm plus Saturday matinees at 2pm. £10-32.50.
From Tuesday: Remember Kit And The Widow? Kit is back with new accompanist James McConnel and singing cheeky ditties about Nando's and pirates.
Crazy Coqs Cabaret, London, W1F 7ED. 8pm. £25. Untll 2 March.
Wednesday: Fun, filthy and, best of all, free - Cellar Door's Cabaret Voltaire sees ukulele queen Tricity Vogue play with fellow purveyor of comic song Elliot Mason and queerlesque star Mr Mistress.
Cellar Door, London, WC2E 7DN.7:30pm. FREE.
Thursday: Its bigger but is it better? Mat Ricardo's London Varieties' second season kicks off at new venue Leicester Square Theatre keeping the same kickass recipe as the 2012 run: a mixture of superstar talent alongside some hand-picked out-of-town acts topped off by a live interview with a special guest. This month's shows features performances from comedy magician John Archer, London Cabaret Award winner Craig The Incredible Hula Boy and BGT semi-finalist Kev Orkian followed by a chat with comedian and actor Omid Djalili.
Leicester Square Theatre, London, WC2H 7BX. 9:30pm. £15.00/£12.50 concessions.
Friday: Someone called Liza Minnelli is singing songs from a musical called Cabaret. No, us neither. If you have a yearning to see whoever this is and miss out on tickets, then you only have yourself to blame.
Southbank Centre, London SE1 8XX. 7:30pm. £40-£120.
Friday: In another part of the Southbank Centre, Berlin Cabaret sees singer Dagmar Manzel and narrator Robert Gallinowksi join members of the Berliner Philarmoniker exposing the Weimarian roots of the artform. Think of it as a fun history lesson without any homework.
Southbank Centre, London SE1 8XX. 7:30pm. £15-£45.
Saturday: If you only want to be entertained and get your dance on at just one apocalyptically-themed fancy dress party aboard a boat moored in Canary Wharf this weekend, make it Rumpus' 20,000 Creatures Under The Sea. Board the MS Stubnitz as a member of the boat's crew, a human survivor or some vengeful sea creature and enjoy the circus, music and food laid out across three rooms and the top deck. We recommend going and partying like there's no tomorrow, for one day that will indeed be true.
MS Stubnitz, Wood Wharf, London (East Exit from Canary Wharf Station). 2pm-11pm. £10-£25.
Saturday: Kurt Weill's Threepenny Opera is given an outing as part of the Southbank Centre's Berlin in the '20s and '30s strand (of which the aforementioned Southbank Centre events are also part). The chief attraction for us is Meow Meow who thrilled audiences over the Yuletide period with her solo show Little Match Girl and is that rare artist who can create a contagious spectacle out of anything she touches.
Southbank Centre, London SE1 8XX. 7:30pm. £9-£65.
Sunday: Erstwhile Evening Standard columnist Millicent Binks and fellow burlesquer Annette Bette join forces on new show Play It On The G-String, a new variety supperclub in the heart of Fitzrovia. Pass the port to the left while enjoying a smorgasbord of acts from acosutic guitar to ballet.
The Lucky Pig, London, W1W 6BB. £10 (show only), £25 (show plus food). Doors 6:30pm, show 7:30pm.
Also highly recommended:
Award-winning New York-based cabaret singer Lady Rizo begins her residency at the Soho Theatre tonight. If you missed out on our competition to see this, we recommend buying a ticket to this sooner rather than the later.
Read our interview with Lady Rizo here.
Soho Theatre, London, W1D 3NE. 9.45pm. £12.50-£20. Until 9 March
What other events are worth shouting about? Leave details in the comments for the world and your mother to see. If we like them, we'll add them to future Zingers.
Photo credit: Image provided by the artist.
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