Ahead of her own night at the Marylebone Gardens this week, Cabaret Derangium’s Lolo Brow gives us the lowdown on the downsides of dating a burlesque performer.
As a London-based burlesque performer I’ve had quite a lot of experience juggling day-to-day life and people who aren’t performers with my job. Now, London is full to the brim with beautiful burlesque performers, sassy and classy from tip to toes. Should you be considering some kind of romantic entanglement with these heavenly creatures, you might want to take a few things into consideration…
Cliché but too true. I hope you like glitter, because dating a burlesque performer may well mean you find it coming out of places you didn’t even know existed. I once knew a lovely gentleman who was dating a burlesque friend of mine: he always had glitter in his teeth. I never asked how it arrived there though one can only imagine.
Oh, The Glamour
It may seem like our world is oh-so-wonderful with champagne and strawberries, it may seem that we are waltzing our diamante heels into the finest venues and rubbing our fur-draped shoulders with the rich and famous! But the truth on most occasions is that it can be as about as glamorous as a well-used shoe: we love it, but it can smell a bit. We are humble folk, some of us even think a treat consists of an early night and the idea of going out for a simple drink without awkwardly dragging a massive suitcase is sweet sweet bliss!
Its hard to deny that there is no shortage of beautiful boylesquers out there, not mentioning any names (apart from the delectable Go-Go Harder). Yes, we are lucky enough to prance around a sweaty (more often freezing) dressing room with them, yes they can dance better than you and yes they might have a huge ego (amongst other noteworthy attributes). But have no fear: she has chosen you!
Catch Us If You Can
We may look like pretty little things, but be warned fellow human, whilst to you it’s seems as through we are peacefully crystalling our new frilly costume, the reality is that in our minds we are making a list of all the invoices to send, running through choreography, planning the shows for the week, mentally packing our suitcase, budgeting for the new act, planning the quickest route from show to show, re-organising our website, adjusting our press pack and preparing for the brutal sniff test, let alone thinking about you. Keep up with that and you should be fine, oh fearless one!
What Time Do You Call This?
If you are not a night owl, a burlesque artist could be about to destroy your precious REM cycle and show you the darkness with all its might and jolly splendour. Prepare to see some of London’s finest shows and get ready to enjoy numerous rides through night time London on the city’s finest big shiny red transport.
The Booze Is Not For You
Yes, we performers on occasion get given “refreshments” backstage to keep us as happy as well fed kittens But its not for you! So go to the bar. If there is one thing we can be territorial about, that is a rewarding free glass of boxed wine after kicking ass on stage.
Have we put you off burlesque performers? Here are five reasons to date a cabaret singer.
Photo credits: Paul Williams of Fragment Photography and Holly Revell.