Burgers in donuts, celebrity judges and an in-house tap troupe: Hamburger Queen bows out in style.

The final Hamburger Queen serves its first course this Thursday at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern.

The final Hamburger Queen serves its first course this Thursday at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern.

Known by something a bit snappier before a certain firm had a word in Scottee’s shell-like, the month-long celebration of chub culture created by the outspoken performance artist serves up its fourth and last helping this month with three heats and its grandest finale yet. We’ve found this fabulous fuck-you to tedious TV “talent” shows and the media’s blatant body fascism to be never less than an riotous feast for the senses in past years.

The news that Scottee is calling last orders on Hamburger Queen will be hard to swallow for some. Like Chinese food, by the time last year’s Hamburger Queen finished, we were ready for more. Thankfully, the wait is almost over as the first heat of the 2014 contest arrives at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern this Thursday. Further heats will be held on 10 and 17 April.

As ever, the competitors will be adjudicated by an ever-changing panel based on three factors: the “Taste” round sees the judges tucking into whatever the contestant cooked or bought on the way, “Trend” is all about the sartorial and “Talent” can see anything from spoken poetry to opera given an airing. In between these tests, the audience will be entertained by the resident DJs Unskinny Bop and in-house tap dance troupe The Cholesterols as well as guest appearances from the likes of Bird La Bird and Le Gateau Chocolat. They will find out what Jude Bean has been eating and peckish punters can tuck into burgers in donuts from Mr Bake. Yep, you read that right. As Scottee himself admits, they could be the best and worst thing ever invented.

Amy Lamé, head judge for the last three years, has better things to do this year (viz, running for Parliament). Clambering into her high heels will be plus size model Felicity Hayward. The other major difference is that Hamburger Queen’s money shot will be at the swanky Bloomsbury Ballroom; the fat lady will be singing on 24 April and you would be well-advised to book your tickets sooner rather than later for what will be no doubt an emotional swan song. Even better, be an utter glutton and get down to all four shows.

Full information on Hamburger Queen shows and tickets can be found on the official website.