Not all cabaret performers spend their evenings bathing in champagne or eating caviar straight off an exhausted hooker’s body while the phone rings and rings in the background. This week we hear from someone straddling the first rung of success.
Dear Auntie Myra:
I am a struggling cabaret performer and despite being almost painfully attractive and the best shag to be had in London, I still find it difficult to promote my shows effectively. It’s a shame, because I am also deeply trashy and will usually perform magnificent oral sex on someone for a glass of bubbly wine and a couple of Valium. Short of writing incredibly self-serving letters to fictional Agony Aunts and thereby blowing my own trumpet (something I can also do, once I’ve done my Bikram) in the hope of flogging a couple of tickets, how can I raise my profile and get the word out?
Can you make any suggestions?
I’m a little confused. You seem frustrated that that outstanding sexual performance isn’t getting you where you want to be, rather than any sort of shrewd businessmanship or talent. Are you trying to make it as a cabaret performer or a prostitute? Either way, I’d say your best bet would be to create a Facebook page, sit back and hope for the best.
Good luck in everything you do, whatever it is you do,
Are you a cabaret performer with an itch to scratch? If that ointment from the doctor hasn’t helped, please drop an email to Myra with details of your problem via firstname.lastname@example.org
Myra will be heading to Edinburgh Fringe this year and is holding a fundraiser on 6 June with a line-up including Scott Capurro, Jayde Adams, Audacity Chutzpah, Fancy Chance, Dusty Limits and many more. More information here.
LustyDusty can be seen in his new show The Outer Limits at the Wonderground.